So I can say I now know what it is like to have an admirer. No really, I’m talking about someone completely infatuated with you to the point that it makes you want to run and hide. I know I wanted to be someone’s “everything”, well let me just say I really need to be careful and redefine what I want.
So let me back up. It starts with me finding out that my sister made an ad for me on a matrimonial site. Yes, without telling me. I was intially flabbergasted and annoyed at the fact that she was pretending to be me without letting me know, but once I wrapped my head around the idea that she was really just trying to help me, I calmed a bit. Well that is until she then told me that she had been talking to someone on my behalf for a few weeks. Please keep in mind that all of this info went down in a matter of 3 mins.
Hearing the annoyance in my voice, she continued to tell me about him any way. He was local. Good. He was 5’8. Short. He didnt go to college, which she then tried to convince me for 10 mins that that wasn’t such a big deal. He didnt have a job. “How would he be able to get married?” I thought, but she tried to convince me that that wasn’t a big deal either and that he would find employment soon. After going back and forth with her on all the glaring red flags wagging in my face, I said “fine.”
She gleefully sent my the login to the email account she had been using, his pics, and could barely wait for me to start writing him. I wasn’t impressed by any of it, but I am supposed to be more open minded about essentially everything.
But why is it that when it comes to marriage open mindedness usually means making huge compromises on things that really are important to you? Is compromising on the things that you hold as important criteria for a future spouse the thing to do if you really want to get married before you begin to collect tabbys and live utterly in your pjs.
So I begrudgingly started writing him. He seemed nice but infatuated with my looks. Yes, I know on the surface that sounds sweet and every girl’s dream, but in reality it quickly becomes weird. Emails contained how beautiful I was with very little in depth converstaions. This escalated to him wanting more pictures of me. I still tried to see the positive and continue with the relationship, hoping that if we met for the first time in a vacinity with my parents he would somehow instantly become normal.
The guy made me feel like a wierd obssesion, where he never really saw me as person. He never asked me pertinent questions regarding marriage or family, which I found incredibly odd.
When he re-evaluated his life at the insistance of a friend, he felt it best to not waste anymore of my time and to put the breaks on our budding relationship. Releived, I told him he was right and gave him advice to focus on getting a job at the moment instead of a wife. He did write again wanting to still keep speaking, an email which I conveniently ignored.
On the surface having someone become head over heels with you sounds amazing, utterly flattering. On the contrary, it isn’t that way at all in reality. Yes, I would like my future husband to have that infatuation but one that is developed and accompanied by an infatuation for my mind and personality.
A week later I went to Baltimore with my family for the annual ICNA conference. It was a much needed jaunt that was fun and relaxing. It was funny because typically I see men who are nice looking and I would be interested in at this conference every year, but not this year. Not one person out of the thousands caught my eye. Was the last correspondance to blame? Did the slightly creepy encounter subconciously sour me on men?
With all of this on my mind when I returned from my mini vacay, I decided to take plunge and put in my two weeks at work. It was time for a much needed change.
I was a little aprehensive at first but the more I thought about it the better I felt. When I officially placed it, I felt an instant sense of relief. And then excitement on what could be awaiting me around the corner.
It was scary, and really risky but I still took this major leap of faith. With no job lined up, I decided to just trust that everything will work out. I literarly felt as though I had carefully climbed the rail of the Brooklyn Bridge and jumped off with the belief that I would miraculously survive and safely swim to some shore. A shore brimming with possibilities, hope.
I know it sounds crazy, but all successful people have had to take risks at some point in their lives before reaching their pinnacle of success. I like to think this is mine and that I am unknowingly on the precipice of something great. Well at least that’s what I’m praying for.