Ramadhan and Eid ul-Fitr have come and gone, and I am so thankful for all of the gifts and blessings that came with them. It is truly a beautiful time of year for us.
I didn’t pursue my search for the husband too much during this time as I was extremely busy with trying to become a better Muslim while reaping rewards amidst the crazy hours during the month. I pretty much brought the grueling search to a halt by the last 10 nights of the Ramadhan and didn’t start up again until after I came back from an Eid vacay with the fam, which was way more awesome than I anticipated. I know, I know who wouldn’t love the combo of family, mountains, food, and games?
During the beginning of Ramadhan however, I did manage to reach out to a couple of people. In an attempt at being even more open minded with my search, I sent interests to various guys in various parts of the world to see if my response rate would be any different, it wasn’t. I tell you Muslim men are the hardest things to catch, but maybe it’s the same for men in general? I mean it seems as though women everywhere complain about having the same problems that revolve around the fact that they can’t find a good man. I think that if you let them, men that is, they would drive us all insane trying to figure out what they want.
I know so many awesome women who are painfully single and I scratch my head over, why aren’t men trying to snatch them up? Is it that they don’t know a good thing when they see it? or are they just plain blind? Does society fog their decisions by giving men unrealistic standards of what a woman should be? And are we now the victims of its ugly repercussions?
So I wrote to one potential suitor who specifically mentioned that Black or African sisters were a plus. Feeling a bit smitten by the presumed perk, I delightfully sent him a like. I mean a very Caucasian Rachel Dolezal was caught allegedly “passing” as Black for numerous years all the while astutely ensconced in the position of president of the NAACP chapter in Washington, so in my slightly delusional state I kinda thought maybe I stepped into an alternate universe where Black was now the “it” race. I mean anything is possible right?
He didn’t answer for a few days and of course I chucked him into the rubbish pile with the rest I have come in contact with thus far. I could see that he was logging on, he just wasn’t responding to my upbeat message I sent stating that if he was still interested in me let me know after he had indeed returned a like. I began to guess that his answer was a no as day two came and went with no response.
You see, when a man doesn’t respond but keeps logging on, that tends to mean he is chatting with someone else and is trying to see if he wants to pursue her or you.
After several days he finally decided to respond with a “for sure” and “what part of NY do you live in and are you Black or African.”
My eyes rolled as I not only couldn’t believe he now had the audacity to message me without even an explanation for the major delay but it came coupled with his obsession with race gleaming at me once again. Why was he so hooked on race? What’s so special about Black or African? Or non-Black or non-African for that matter? What was his deal.
I closed his email and didn’t respond. It was nice to find someone who was fond of my ethnicity to a certain degree, but placing the importance of it right off the bat was too much. Why not get to know me instead of my race first, I am a person not a ploy in some fetish or a cohort in your belief in racial superiority.
Why is it that people seem to loose track of what is important in a spouse so quickly online? The vast majority fall into the category of being superficial. They have zero desire to have thought provoking discussions let alone ask pertinent questions about your faith, you as a person, or even as a future wife, mother, and best friend.
He did write again, with a message stating he would still like to talk. I swallowed my pride and decided I would give him one more chance to redeem himself. Honestly, it was more me being curious about him so I asked him to tell me about his family and more about himself and how Ramadhan was going for him. In classic male fashion of leading a person on and then disappearing, there was no response.
I found it weird but at this point I am used to it, one can’t help but chuckle at how pathetic these individuals who pull these lame stunts really are. To a degree this whole process of looking for a husband, numbs you. Not in a masked damaged state crunched up in a fetal position rocking in a corner repeating “I is smart, I is kind, I is important” to oneself type of numb, but a real more healthy one where it all just rolls off your back or makes you roll your eyes at most. Basically it’s where you don’t let the person or situation negatively influence you, anymore. I guess that’s another level of numbness that one has to attain in order to keep down this road looking for him. Or to keep the hope alive and a heart sound.
I guess it’s that one in a million that catches your un-rolling eyes and actually will pursue you. All of you. Not bits and pieces, colors or languages, or body parts for that matter. But you.
This quote that a friend happened to share resonated with me and reminded me of the fact that this all is just part of my journey to him.
“My heart is at ease knowing that what was meant for me will never miss me, and that what misses me was never meant for me.” -Imam Shafi’i