Lately, I have been pondering over whether I will find an attractive suitor. I know it sounds silly but frankly, I really haven’t seen anyone online that I fancy. It’s strange and it’s not meant to say I’m out of anyone’s league, I just simply mean that I really haven’t found anyone attractive. Should this be an important part of my search or should I be satisfied with a man just being a good person?
I always hoped that I would marry someone I found attractive. He doesn’t even have to be attractive to anyone I know, just as long as I find him dashing. But is it possible to get both a person I click with and who is also attractive? or am I reaching for the stars here?
From the married people that I know, I have heard both. But I would say that most of them weren’t super attracted to their spouses at first, but the attraction grew with time. I would also say that for most people it was more important to have a spouse that was compatible rather than their preferred physical type. So, in the end they went with compatibility.
Honestly, I have not even spoken to a man that I was attracted to thus far in this marriage search. I have emailed a couple of people back and forth, but I was not attracted to any of them. I can’t help but think, what if I never develop an attraction to the person I become engaged to and I’m stuck on the day of my wedding with someone I’m really not crazy about? Is that an irrational thought or one drenched in reality? Should I hold out for someone who I fancy or just trust that it will develop over time with a person I have a lot in common with?
There are so many questions that have me thinking about the reality of attraction.
On the other end of the spectrum, the Muslim marriage app Yelli is purely based on a person’s physical appearance. I tried the relatively new app to see what it was all about as it appeared to be eerily close to the widely used Tinder app. Once joined, I quickly realized it was the Muslim version of the popular dating app.
Yelli uses your Facebook public profile info as your ad but mainly your profile’s picture. Then people have the option to swipe to the left if they are not interested in how you look or the right if they are and want to see more Facebook pictures.
I tried it for about three months and it was pretty awful. The men on there were sadly just looking for a “good time” if you get my drift. One person was even cheating on his wife as he pursued me under the guise of being single. I only found out he was married when I looked him up on Facebook after the second email, something I now do automatically to see if men are lying about any information they have given me.
Needless to say, I deleted the app. The more I though about it, the concept of the app placed too much emphasis on the physical aspects of marriage and not enough on the character of a person for me. Hence the shallow individuals that I kept running into. At least it was free and I tried it. And perhaps it will work for someone else, but I know it won’t for me. I need substance and great conversations. Although I received a lot of notices saying 100’s of men liked my picture since my last login, I realized I don’t want to be chosen based on my appearance alone. I want a man who actually is attracted to my personality and characteristics that make me who I am as a whole. Not a man who is just attracted to a really nice photo me.